Marriage is a huge mystery

Ephesians 5:21-33

21 Out of respect for Christ, be courteously reverent to one another. 22 Wives, understand and support your husbands in ways that show your support for Christ. 23 The husband provides leadership to his wife the way Christ does to his church, not by domineering but by cherishing. 24 So just as the church submits to Christ as he exercises such leadership, wives should likewise submit to their husbands. 25 Husbands, go all out in your love for your wives, exactly as Christ did for the church--a love marked by giving, not getting. 26 Christ's love makes the church whole. His words evoke her beauty. Everything he does and says is designed to bring the best out of her, 27 dressing her in dazzling white silk, radiant with holiness. 28 And that is how husbands ought to love their wives. They're really doing themselves a favor--since they're already "one" in marriage. 29 No one abuses his own body, does he? No, he feeds and pampers it. That's how Christ treats us, the church, 30 since we are part of his body. 31 And this is why a man leaves father and mother and cherishes his wife. No longer two, they become "one flesh." 32 This is a huge mystery, and I don't pretend to understand it all. What is clearest to me is the way Christ treats the church. 33 And this provides a good picture of how each husband is to treat his wife, loving himself in loving her, and how each wife is to honor her husband.

Food for thought!

Today's food for thought is taken from the first reading. You'll know the reason why. But first, let us accept that Paul's words on marriage in this reading are indeed HARD TALK, and to many people, both married and single, are quite challenging. But they shouldn't be, because in these words, we find the biblical notion on marriage.

First and foremost, marriage is indeed a HUGE MYSTERY, as Paul said. And like any mystery, our understanding of it is limited. What Paul is teaching us is that Christian marriage is the most precious relationship in life, whose only parallel and model is the relationship between Christ and the Church.Every couple reminds the world of the relationship of CHRIST AND THE CHURCH.

However, sometimes the emphasis of this passage is entirely misplaced; and it is read as if its essence was the subordination of wife to husband. The single phrase, "The husband provides leadership to his wife" (the husband is the head of the wife) is quoted in isolation.  But the basis of the passage is not control; it is love.  

The husband is head of the wife – true, Paul said that; but he also said that the husband must love the wife AS Christ loved the Church, with a love which never exercises a tyranny of control but which is ready to make any sacrifice for her good. Paul is saying that husbands must, if it comes to that, die for their wives, just as Christ died for the Church.

He must love her as Christ loved the Church and gave himself for the Church. Christ loved the Church, not that the Church might do things for him, but that he might do things for the Church. Where there is true love there is sacrifice.

A man must love his wife as he loves his own body.  Real love loves not to extract service, nor to ensure that its own physical comfort is attended to, it cherishes the one it loves. There is something far wrong when a man regards his wife, consciously or unconsciously, as simply the one who cooks his meals and washes his clothes and cleans his house and gives birth to his children.

For the sake of this love a man leaves father and mother and cleaves to his wife. The two become one flesh.  He is as united to her as the members of the body are united to each other; and would no more think of separating from her than of tearing his own body apart.

Some advice: husbands, do you want your wives to be really loyal to you? Love them 24/7. Wives, do you want your husbands to really love you, submit to them 24/7. Marriage is a give and take game.